The Results of Insomnia

Madison Sharp
H English 10
Period 3
October 26, 2010
Creating Suspense: Stanley
(DISCLAIMER: I am neither a lunatic or on drugs, I just haven’t slept in days)

Stanley (from The Office) thought he heard someone in the house. He heard the sound of a fork scraping across teeth. That is his least favorite noise; the very thought of it drives him to insanity. His roommate, Irving, is quite annoying and knows how much Stanley hates that sound so he tends to do it quite often. Thinking the noise was Irving, Stanley groaned in disgust and whispered “Why Irving?!” as he crossed the threshold into the living room. Stanley looked around in shock when he heard Slayer playing faintly. He thought this was odd because he does not have any music devices in his apartment. He looked up to see Satan sitting on his couch. “Hey Satan.” Stanley continued farther into his living room and stopped suddenly when he smelled the undeniable scent of Shia Lebouf. This scent brought back many memories of when he stalked Shia. He started stalking him to get his autograph, but after a week Stanley grew attached to Shia. He loved his most recent films and the way his hair curled slightly at the top of his head and Shia’s perfect face. Soon following Shia became an obsession that Stanley couldn’t stop. The police had to get involved and Stanley spent the night in the county jail to think about his actions. He sat in the jail cell and said “I’m in the wrong here.” Because of his confession the cops let him out.
Back in the living room Stanley wallowed in his memories. Little did Stanley know Shia Lebouf became fond of Stanley stalking him. Shia became overwhelmed without Stanley so he started stalking him. Shia was in the hallway closet, he tended to bite on forks when he was nervous. That’s where the sound came from. Stanley finished his memory recollection and started for the kitchen so he could make tea. He saw Baman and Piderman making cakes on the floor of his kitchen. Piderman used his Pidey-web to pull himself across the kitchen floor over to the oven. Stanley’s only thought was “How can Baman walk if he has no bones in his legs?” Startled by his own thought Stanley desperately searched for an answer to why he was acting so calm to Satan in his living room and animated cartoon characters in his kitchen. He decided he must be on a certain drug. Stanley recalled hearing that anti-depressants would counter the drug he thought he was on. Stanley felt uncertain about his methods, so he decided not to do that.

“I wish I knew what was happening.” Stanley decided to make himself some tea to stop the visions. That didn’t happen. Overcome by the urge to show himself, Shia Lebouf jumped out of the closet.
“Hey”
Stanley turned around “oh, hey”
“So, how’s it going?”
They were standing quite awkwardly in Stanley’s hallway. During that time Stanley was worried about the restraining order Shia had on him. Stanley remembered that. He remembered feeling such joy, for that was the first time Shia had talked to him. He decided to push that memory away.
“It’s going good… You know, since I stopped stalking you. How are things with you?”
Shia became worried and debated within himself whether or not to tell Stanley that he had been stalking him. He decided to tell Stanley the truth. “Let’s take a drive.”
Stanley and Shia got in the car and Shia began to tell Stanley the truth. Stanley took the news relatively well. He informed Shia that this was normal, it tends to happen. He knew only because he used to be stalked by a crazed ‘The Office’ fan. Stanley suddenly became distracted by a barking noise coming from outside the car. He looked to see a stray dog barking at their car. Fearlessly, Stanley got out of the car and went to rescue to dog. The dog dashed across the street, Stanley followed. While crossing the street a car swung around the sharp corner and hit Stanley. Shia, witnessing this, decided to get a closer look. He inched forward in the car until he was right in front of Stanley. He was shocked at how little Stanley was affected by the car. In his state of shock, Shia slammed his foot on the gas and ran over Stanley’s head.
Stanley sat up, startled by the events he had just experienced. He rubbed his eyes, and then realized it was all a dream or an acid trip.

The End